25 Twelve

I've been a bastard, yes I admit.
I've been caught up.
I lost myself. I gave in to my fears.
I want to come back now. Back to your arms. Back to your love.
My attitude has been ever so generously callous.
I've never known to trust. Never knew what the word meant until I met you.
I urge you to accept my apologies for yesterday and for the days gone by.
I beg you to understand that our love is still fresh, still divine, still alive albeit a tad afraid.

My brutally tough facade has been nothing but from the fears I have deep within.
Your fragile.
Your porcelain.
I've shattered you.
Please let me have the chance to bring back the pieces.
To fix you.
To fix us.
Let loose.
Run free.
Alone.
With Me.
Please. It's too late now to turn back now, I've let you steal my heart like a crook.

No other woman has captured my imagination.
No other woman has stolen the keys to my heart.
I still shudder from the thought of the touch of your hands brush against my face.
I still live a million lifetimes with you when our eyes meet in the warmth of our embrace in the darkness of the night.
Your lips still smoother and more full of life than the finest wine to touch mine.
Never been drunk. But I can hopelessly admit, I've been sloshed on you more than a million times.
Your neck, so heavenly in taste, in smell, in the way you blush and giggle ever so cutely when my lips are against it.
Your shoulders, so soft, yet firm, so perfect in shape and size.
Your collar bone, the place that has gotten so much attention from me, every time we were in the moment lying between the sheets.
I'll stop here. You'll blush like a baby with pink cheeks the next time you're in my arms when I describe the rest of you.
Don't be afraid, it will be soon. I promise.
Beso me gustar.

You're my woman.
Don't ever question the truth to whether I'm your man.
You need not question the answers.
You need not doubt the truth.
You know me.
Better than I know myself.

I'm humbled before you.
I'm never too egoistic to drop down to kiss your feet. I adore them. I adore the way you go crazy when I kiss them.
You're THE ONE. You have the only finger in this world that I'll place a wedding ring on.
You have the only tummy, our Natasha will live her life in for nine months, before I cradle her in my arms.
Take away everything, the downright amazing sex, the great food, and all of lifes pleasures. BUT.
Never deprive me of being the only man from 13-11-2007 to have the only right to your body.
I plead with you to never deprive me the chance to slip a ring on your finger.
I'd die, if you deprived me of Natasha.

Bésame, bésame mucho - Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
Como si fuera esta noche - As if tonight was
La última vez - the last time.

Bésame, bésame mucho - Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
Que tengo miedo a perderte - Because I fear to lose you,
Perderte después - To lose you again.

I do hope sincerely that this makes up for all the times I had copied and pasted things.
I want you to know that...
You are loved.
You are mine.
You are my wife. More importantly the love of my life.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't have the heart to say the next thing in English.
I hope it takes a lifetime for you to figure it out.

consolar a besos.

2008: A Strange Year

Well, here's my retrospect on my year that was...

2008 started with so much promise, such perfect moments that would turn to memoirs as life would go on, I can still remember how perfect New Years felt... Thought my life had taken a course for perfection back then, right from those moments when I embraced her before leaving her after spending what I would still say were the best 15 days that I could have ever spent in my life with anyone, the days were blissfully perfect, even though our personalities were ever so different, we fitted each other like a glove. I had always considered the year 2007 to have been one of the happiest years of my life especially for the note that it ended on, and I mislead myself to think that 2008 would be better, I was full of optimism, full of life, full of love, however none of all that was enough to keep my head together for the year that followed. Everything from my Family Life to my Love Life was always on a string and on a line throughout the year, most of the time I found myself feeling like a man without a soul or a home, but I still managed to lift myself up above all of it.

January: The start of the month was perhaps more perfect than most people would dream of, but soon (by the time I boarded that bus back home in the midst of the night) I had realized that it was going to be harder than I had calculated to be. Would never forget how excited (despite being dead tired) I was when I got back home, I'll never forget when I got back home and plonked on my bed and looked up at the roof and thought in my head and felt in my heart that I knew and felt for sure that everything would go right and she was THE ONE. Even then through all the perfection we had our misunderstandings but we always managed to stay strong through them.

On another note, right from the time I got back, I found myself with the realization that my educational life was slipping away from me as I had somehow lost my focus on it, I was missing classes and delaying batches and before I knew it, I found myself wondering what exactly I was going to do with my life but still I never really expressed those emotions to anyone as I didn't really want anyone worrying about what was going on with me and back then I thought (at least) that I could get the entire situation back to within my control in a month or two.

By the end of January, she was back with me, back in my arms, things seemed perfect again (at least on the surface) cause I always felt that I never had the need to really look beyond that when it came to her cause I knew I could trust her blindly and she would never have done something that I found distasteful or never liked. However soon I began to wonder if she had begun to take me granted with the things she did right in front of me, I found myself feeling like a complete arse for being so blind when it came to her (and that's one feeling that angers me more than anything else) however despite us having what at the time was the biggest fight I had ever had anyone (the only reason I really fought so hard was only cause I cared and wanted to stress the fact that my feelings were being taken advantage of and so was my implicit trust) The moment she turned around at 4am from her side of the bed and kissed me, she won me back within an instant and I promised myself that I would not anger over what happened no more and accept it as just another mistake. After all who doesn't make a few mistakes ? Times were tough, financially impossible, but somehow through it all we made each other happy and before we knew it, she had to get back home. (this time it was her who felt all that I had felt a month earlier) and when I saw that pretty face with the cutest sixties style hair-do I had ever seen on anyone, I fell in love with her all over again and again and again within the 3 minutes I looked at her leaving the terminus in the bus...

February: The month started off with my bro's 10th birthday, he was ever so proud to finally move out of the single digits, and how I had wished that she was there for his birthday, funny isn't it ? I somehow find a way of connecting her to everything that happens in my life, I could still see how cute she looked when she would play with him and how close they had gotten, it all seemed too perfect to be true. The perfection wavered at times however but I always believed that there would be downfalls at times, during this month though there were two instances where the number one instance being the fact that she never really respected the things I wasn't comfortable with her doing (here I was, doing only and exactly what she wanted me to do) and there she was asking me if I would be comfortable in her doing what I wasn't comfortable with, and the other instance was something she had changed between us that we had shared for a long time and in my opinion add a spark to our relationship (I mean, what's wrong with romancing things up in the strangest of ways and thinking outside the box with the person you claim to love and want to spend the rest of your life with ?) At least I didn't really think there was anything wrong, however she did. Living without what she wanted to change never hurt, but living with the fact that the way she put it across to me seemed like she was purposefully trying to distance herself from me did hurt like a bitch and even though I did get a bit upset over it, I took it in my stride eventually after a few days and never ceased to love her just the way I did when I first met her. And Baby, I will never find the right words to let you know how bad I felt when I couldn't spend Valentines with you (when I think back now) I wish that I sold a kidney of mine and spent it with you cause that would have just given me one more perfect day with you in my arms.. I'm sorry.

Besides that, I had come to realize that I had begun to love writing all thanks to her really, she managed to bring out this amazing talent and love for writing that I probably had for God knows how long... And I will always be thankful to her for that. I had begun going to classes again and even though they were erratic cause sometimes I would just stay home so I could recharge my phone instead of spending the cash I had on going to class and stuff, I knew and believed within myself that she was all I needed and as long I had her and the air that I breathed I could live without anything and stand up to face anything, she gave me the strength of a 1000 giants and yet when the thought of her touch would cross my mind I melted and trembled and found my throat choke up at the thought of ever losing her. Yeah, it kept hitting me harder and harder that I really LOVED this girl and wanted to die in her arms... To be continued.

Yum-fuckin-my

Need I say more ?
Ladies and Gentlemen...
Ferrari's new "California".

PS: I would so exchange a kidney for one.

2008 Formula One Statistics

All The Stats From The 2008 Season...

Drivers Championship:

1) Lewis Hamilton / McLaren Mercedes [22] - 98 Points
2) Felipe Massa / Ferrari [2] - 97
3) Kimi Raikkonen / Ferrari [1] - 75
4) Robert Kubica / BMW Sauber [4] - 75
5) Fernando Alonso / Renault [5] - 61
6) Nick Heidfeld / BMW Sauber [3] - 60
7) Heikki Kovalainen / McLaren Mercedes [23] - 53
8) Sebastian Vettel / Toro Rosso Ferrari [15] - 35
9) Jarno Trulli / Toyota [11] - 31
10) Timo Glock / Toyota [12] - 25
11) Mark Webber / Red Bull Renault [10] - 21
12) Nelson Piquet Jr. / Renault [6] - 19
13) Nico Rosberg / Williams Toyota [7] - 17
14) Rubens Barrichello / Honda [17] - 11
15) Kazuki Nakajima / Williams Toyota [8] - 9
16) David Coulthard / Red Bull Renault [9] - 8
17) Sebastien Bourdais / Toro Rosso Ferrari [14] - 4
18) Jenson Button / Honda [16] - 3
NC) Giancarlo Fisichella / Force India Ferrari [20] - 0
NC) Adrian Sutil / Force India Ferrari [21] - 0
NC) Takuma Sato / Super Aguri Honda [18] - 0
NC) Anthony Davidson / Super Aguri Honda [19] - 0

Constructers Championship:

1) Ferrari - 172
2) McLaren Mercedes - 151
3) BMW Sauber - 135
4) Renault - 80
5) Toyota - 56
6) Toro Rosso Ferrari - 39
7) Red Bull Renault - 29
8) Williams Toyota - 26
9) Honda - 14
NC) Force India Ferrari - 0
NC) Super Aguri Honda - 0

Wins - Drivers

1) Felipe Massa - 6
2) Lewis Hamilton - 5
3) Kimi Raikkonen - 2
=) Fernando Alonso - 2
5) Robert Kubica - 1
=) Heikki Kovalainen - 1
=) Sebastian Vettel - 1

Wins - Constructers

1) Ferrari - 8
2) McLaren Mercedes - 6
3) Renault - 2
4) BMW Sauber - 1
=) Toro Rosso Ferrari - 1

Podiums - Drivers

1) Lewis Hamilton - 10
=) Felipe Massa - 10
3) Kimi Raikkonen - 9
4) Robert Kubica - 7
5) Nick Heidfeld - 4
6) Fernando Alonso - 3
=) Heikki Kovalainen - 3
8) Nico Rosberg - 2
9) Sebastian Vettel - 1
=) Jarno Trulli - 1
=) Timo Glock - 1
=) Nelson Piquet Jr. - 1
=) Rubens Barrichello - 1
=) David Coulthard - 1

Podiums - Constructers

1) Ferrari - 19
2) McLaren Mercedes - 13
3) BMW Sauber - 11
4) Renault - 4
5) Toyota - 2
=) Williams Toyota - 2
7) Toro Rosso Ferrari - 1
=) Red Bull Renault - 1
=) Honda - 1

Poles - Drivers

1) Lewis Hamilton - 7
2) Felipe Massa - 6
3) Kimi Raikkonen - 2
4) Robert Kubica - 1
=) Heikki Kovalainen - 1
=) Sebastian Vettel - 1

Poles - Constructers

1) Ferrari - 8
=) McLaren Mercedes - 8
3) BMW Sauber - 1
=) Toro Rosso Ferrari - 1

Fastest Laps - Drivers

1) Kimi Raikkonen - 10
2) Felipe Massa - 3
3) Nick Heidfeld - 2
=) Heikki Kovalainen - 2
5) Lewis Hamilton - 1

Fastest Laps - Constructers

1) Ferrari - 13
2) McLaren Mercedes - 3
3) BMW Sauber - 2

Entire Season Review To Follow Soon...

Has the Ambassador been deposed of it's position of the Nations Taxicab & Car ?

The Hindustan Ambassador has been in production in India since 1957 and has established itself as one of the most popular & historic cars in India, It's iconic status was helped by the fact that it was preferred by India's Political Leadership. The Hindustan Ambassador is essentially based on Morris Oxford and took many of it's styling cues from it's British counter-part. Another reason for it's popularity is the fact that it's Isuzu 1800 engine was once the quickest engine option available among all the cars available in India at the time. On the side, the Hindustan Ambassador had also firmly slotted itself into the nations favorite cab position for many years, that is, up until a certain car by the name of Tata Indica was released back in 1998 with the mantra that it was to be the most modern car released by an Indian car company. There has been no turning back for the Indica though, it's sales have been nothing short of spectacular and record breaking but it has also knocked the Hindustan Ambassador off it's pedestal as the nations favorite cab. Both cars have also been given major face-lifts (though the Amby's face-life came a couple of years earlier than the Indica's) in the recent past.

However even after face-lifting the Hindustan Ambassador in the form of the "Hindustan Ambassador Avigo" it has only worsened things and the new variant of the car is nearly obscure with hardly a handful in sales whilst the Tata Indica in the form of the "Tata Indica Vista" has once again struck the market and has sold extremely well again. Does all this go to show that the good ol' Amby is finally dying out or is it that it's going to be a fad of the future to own one ? And more importantly how long will the Tata Indica reign as the nations favourite 100% Indian Vehicle...

The Fifteen Best Days Of My Life

First of all, I'm back to blogging after nearly a four month hiatus due to several reasons that are best left unsaid as I've been trying ever so hard to put my mistakes in the past and also buried as deep as possible into the ground.

With that said, let's talk about the last fifteen days of my life which have been FOR SURE the best fifteen days I could have ever wanted.

After the mess that I had made of everything, I never really knew whether I would see her face again, but thankfully I did, on the morning of the 31st of October 2008, and it was one morning that I shall never forget... I stayed up all night, tidying up and getting everything right for her and so that I wouldn't doze off and wake up late since her train was coming in early in the morning as usual (and knowing me for the heavy sleeper that I am, I would have most certainly have not woken up unless I stayed up all night). I took an early morning bus ride to the station, it was cold, dark and just plain beautiful as the monsoon breeze swept across my face as her palms do and that made me anticipate her being in my arms even more. I reached the station about an hour early and I honestly had no idea about what to do to pass the time (did I mention I had an commerce exam as well in a couple of hours ? And I forgot to get my books with me to study since I didn't think I'd need to wait for as long as I ended up waiting for), 3 cups of coffee and about 45 minutes later, I saw a light approaching along the train tracks, I felt my heart skip a beat, a minute later my phone rang... she wanted to know if I was waiting for her (what made me happy was the confidence she had in her voice when she asked me, it was more like just confirmation of me being there rather than her actually wondering). As the train approached, I made sure that I ran over to the carriage so that I would be there waiting for her the moment she got down from the train and my face would be the first one that she saw... And when she did finally get down, it hit me harder than ever before that there was nothing in this world that could ever make me stop loving her the way that I do and to me she looked more beautiful than ever before. At that moment, I knew I was way more lucky and blessed and I honestly had earlier accepted.

The entire time that we spent together was nothing short of bliss, a kind of poetry in motion you could say because I could write paragraphs on every move she made when we were together, all the times, she'd get up out of bed in the middle of night to cook me something when I was hungry (and every single time, it turned out to be nothing short of yummy), all the times we held hands and walked down my street, those few moments on the beach that we spent together, all the movies we watched which choke me up every single time that I watch them and I probably have a memory with her as every single scene goes by during those movies. Her every little smile will forever be imprinted in my head, that morning that seemed ever so peaceful at the temple, I haven't seen something or felt something as beautiful or sacred as she is, she turns my world upside down and spins it all the way around every second that she's with me. She's showed to me and made me feel what I would like to call the epitome of love and affection and a yearning and want for someone and that is something that no one is going to take away from either of us.

We've begun our second year together as well as our 1st anniversary was on the 13th of November, it was one of the most perfect nights that I'd ever spent with anyone and for sure the most romantic night that I could ever want. Her face + Her Smiles & Blushes + Chocolate + Flowers = Heaven to me. (and I know it was heaven to her as well).

I realize that we don't need to change anything at all about each other or between us to have a perfect relationship and changing things would only spoil everything, what we have is perfection and I hope to God that it stays the same forever.

It killed me when we reached the station and she had to go and the train pulled away before I could give her one last kiss, it killed me even more when I saw her unsure of when we'd be together again prior to that (I know for a fact deep within my heart that it won't be too long and I never will be without her nor will I ever let her go without me in her life)... I held the pain inside me all evening and went out for dinner with a friend (Jay) but all I could think of was her. Today was the coldest day we've had all year and while the rain poured down on me on my way home on the bike with Jay, every drop of rain felt like a needle poking my face at the speed we were travelling down empty wet roads... I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds and I knew it was now my only chance to let a few tears go as the only memory I had was the night of our anniversary when we stood outside in my backyard in the rain and kissed. When I came home to my empty room full of sticky notes that she left me, I longer for her to wrap herself up around me and feel that warmth I'd be feeling for so many days and had gotten so used to feeling, but sadly she wasn't there, try as I might have, but the tears just became uncontrollable at that point, I missed her more than ever before and I will keep missing her more and more till I see her again soon.

It's certainly going to be odd to get used to living with her 750+ km's away from me again and having to only talk to her over the phone for a while, but I know that one day we're going to be together forever and when that day comes, there's nothing that will ever keep us from being anywhere else but in each others arms every night.

All I have left to say is... Thank you Baby. I love you. Happy 1st Anniversary by the way. She's my lifeline.

Family: What It Means To Me & How It's Changed Me

If there's one thing that I've come to understand in the last 8 months is that family is something that always sticks by your side no matter what, no matter how hard you might test it with the wrongs you do and no matter how many times you feel that you're probably going to lose it, it still comes back and stands by you and that's something I personally feel is a very strong bond and power and can't really be explained.

Recently I came to realize that I need to make a couple of changes to myself once again (since I've slowly come to the terms after 18... nearly 19 years of my life that life is all about change in many aspects) in order to extend my family.. I also realized how rather silly I had been to have not given something as special and sacred as this a chance sooner, and frankly ever since I let my feelings show... I've come to hear some of the things I've been dying to hear in the last few months that's made me for the rest of my life.

I probably have one of the best family's anyone could ever really ask for, An amazing mom, a doll of a wife, the cutest brother (I know he's gonna hate me for calling him cute), super supportive grandparents, not to forget a pretty good dad as well, and amazing to be in-laws, I've been given a pretty decent life as well and that's something I'm thankful for, I have a lot that so many people don't really have and struggle to find in their lives and even though I wouldn't deny my life being hard at times, it could be a hell of a lot harder.

I really do hope that my life (the way it is right now and the support I have right now is how it'll always be).. I don't really think I'd be who I am right now if I were to lose a single person in my life that's close to me since everyone of them is extremely integral to me. Thank you. I love you.

A Review Of Every Phone I've Used

I found myself a tad bored and nostalgic remembering all the mobiles I've used and how fascinated I was the very first time I got one, and then got one that had GPRS and so on.

Bosch GSM308 [1999-2001]

This phone is so old that I can't even really find a picture of it online, I remember being 12 when I first got it, it never really had anything in it besides the ability to make calls, send and recieve sms's which hadn't even been available in India at the time unless it was at an exorbitant price. I sometimes wish I had kept it just for the sake of having it as a memory instead of hastily getting rid of it since it wasn't working at all after slogging around after being demoted to my rough use phone for two further years besides it's first year with me as my primary phone.

Ericsson T29s [2001-02]



My second phone, was a birthday present to me along with a PS2 back in 01', I remember going ooh, this is stylish back then even though now I personally am repulsed by it's entire design, it was sadly rather flimsy and most of the keys started to come apart within a year of use and also it's display was torture to read so I had to let it it go, and it seemed a bit weird to have such an ordinary phone after the whole colour phone saga began to take flight in 02' as well.

Sony Ericsson T68i [Jan - Apr 2002]



The first ever coloured phone of mine, was something I had plagued my parents to get my at the time but I ended up being a tad disappointed with it since the joystick was a little annoying and I never really liked the colour as well... I ended up exhanging it with my dad for his phone a couple of months later.

Nokia 8850 [Apr - Dec 2002]



The very first time I saw my dad with this phone I just had to have it, in a way you could call it the Sirocco of the early 00's, it never really had all that many featured but it exuded truck loads of quality and snob value at the time, sadly I ended up giving it a premature death after accidently dropping it in a bucket of water and it's display was too severely damaged to repair.

Nokia 7650 [Jan - Sept 2003]



Another phone of mine that I persuaded my dad to give to me after nearly dropping dead when I figured that it had a camera and many other features that were truly unheard of at the time, probably one of my favourite phones of all time as well especially since it was probably the biggest breakthrough in mobile technology at the time, however it's only downside was it's bulkyness.. It did it's job well though and this is truly another phone of mine that I still miss.

Nokia 3530 [Sept 2003 - Sept 2004]



Despite only having this phone for a year, This probably is for sure one of my most used phones, I'll never forget the days when gprs was new and dirt cheap and I spent many a sunday afternoon on a chat site called mopilot, I had used the keys so much in that one year that there was really no silver coating left on them.

Sony Ericsson T630 [Sept 2004 - Feb 2008]



Quite certainly the longest serving phone of mine, I got it as a birthday present from my mom, it was my primary phone for 2 long years, I loved the way it's white colour used to ooze this certain level of class that wasn't really there in many other phones and it had an absolutely amazing display at the time as well, I used it and abused it for 4 years before having to let it go.

Nokia 6600 [Feb 2005 - April 2006]



Probably one of my favourite phones to type on as well as for the fact that it was durable as hell and everyone used to find it quite shocking since I had mine in a pretty unique pearl white colour compared to the general black & silver or full black ones.. It had a pretty decent VGA cam too.

Motorola RaZr V3i [May - Dec 2006]



This was probably the first ever phone that I truly found orgasmic in terms of looks, I bought it as a used piece of a friend of mine and it was already pretty scratched up but I decided to have it for the novelty that it carried at the time, however I found the whole interface to be a bit of a pain and chucked it by the end of the year.

Nokia N72 [Dec 2006 - May 2008]



This phone is for sure my favourite phone ever not because of it's features (despite them being pretty brilliant) but for the sentimental value it carried behind it during the times that I used it. It's camera was probably the best 2MP camera I've ever seen or used, an impeccable mp3 player and despite the keys looking small, they were a joy to type on... Sadly though she rang her last in Apr 2008. =[

Current Phones : Vodafone 225 / Reliance Classic 204



At the moment, I'm plodding along with two very basic phones for the time being, the reliance is mainly so I can keep in touch with my wifey since the long distance calls on it to another Reliance number are absolutely free, and the Vodafone is just my spare rough use workhorse at the moment. As for the future, I do have my eyes on a couple of phones and at the moment, I'm loving the novelty that the iphone has to it, so i might end up getting that in the end...

She makes me feel so...

Damn ecstatic and amazed that I have her all to myself for the rest of my life, I've come to understand that finding the happiness I've found now isn't easy and I frankly am going to do everything that I possibly can to keep it for the rest of my life.

It's now been two months since we've been together, since I've felt her touch or kissed her lips or whispered in her ear "I love you" and even though things didn't even go close to perfect on the last day that we were together, every other moment that we spent together in those 4-5 days was sheer bliss, and we made all the wrongs right as well like we always have done. I sometimes feel that we truly are stuck to each other with some sort of invisible glue since we always find ourselves in each others arms at the end of every day no matter what had happened.

She's been there for me in every possibly way more than anyone else ever could, she's made me feel on top of the world with her support in the things that I like, I adore the way that she's always there to talk to about anything I'm interested in and involves herself with it (especially all our Formula 1 debates and discussions before and after every race), the way she goes out of her way and does the impossible at times to make me happy and feel loved, she keeps proving to me everyday in several different ways why this relationship of ours is one that's going to stand the test of time. I could never really find the right words to tell her how much I love her, appreciate her, adore her and I can never thank her enough for everything that she has done for me in the last nearly 8 months.

Yup, I'm flat on the floor with all her love and if anything I only intend to fall through and never stop falling...

Happy Eighth Month Anniversary in advance, baby! (Just because I'm saying it in advance doesn't mean I won't write you something again on the 13th by the way).

Sigh... I must be bloody bored

This is what I've been feeling like since last night...