2008: A Strange Year

Well, here's my retrospect on my year that was...

2008 started with so much promise, such perfect moments that would turn to memoirs as life would go on, I can still remember how perfect New Years felt... Thought my life had taken a course for perfection back then, right from those moments when I embraced her before leaving her after spending what I would still say were the best 15 days that I could have ever spent in my life with anyone, the days were blissfully perfect, even though our personalities were ever so different, we fitted each other like a glove. I had always considered the year 2007 to have been one of the happiest years of my life especially for the note that it ended on, and I mislead myself to think that 2008 would be better, I was full of optimism, full of life, full of love, however none of all that was enough to keep my head together for the year that followed. Everything from my Family Life to my Love Life was always on a string and on a line throughout the year, most of the time I found myself feeling like a man without a soul or a home, but I still managed to lift myself up above all of it.

January: The start of the month was perhaps more perfect than most people would dream of, but soon (by the time I boarded that bus back home in the midst of the night) I had realized that it was going to be harder than I had calculated to be. Would never forget how excited (despite being dead tired) I was when I got back home, I'll never forget when I got back home and plonked on my bed and looked up at the roof and thought in my head and felt in my heart that I knew and felt for sure that everything would go right and she was THE ONE. Even then through all the perfection we had our misunderstandings but we always managed to stay strong through them.

On another note, right from the time I got back, I found myself with the realization that my educational life was slipping away from me as I had somehow lost my focus on it, I was missing classes and delaying batches and before I knew it, I found myself wondering what exactly I was going to do with my life but still I never really expressed those emotions to anyone as I didn't really want anyone worrying about what was going on with me and back then I thought (at least) that I could get the entire situation back to within my control in a month or two.

By the end of January, she was back with me, back in my arms, things seemed perfect again (at least on the surface) cause I always felt that I never had the need to really look beyond that when it came to her cause I knew I could trust her blindly and she would never have done something that I found distasteful or never liked. However soon I began to wonder if she had begun to take me granted with the things she did right in front of me, I found myself feeling like a complete arse for being so blind when it came to her (and that's one feeling that angers me more than anything else) however despite us having what at the time was the biggest fight I had ever had anyone (the only reason I really fought so hard was only cause I cared and wanted to stress the fact that my feelings were being taken advantage of and so was my implicit trust) The moment she turned around at 4am from her side of the bed and kissed me, she won me back within an instant and I promised myself that I would not anger over what happened no more and accept it as just another mistake. After all who doesn't make a few mistakes ? Times were tough, financially impossible, but somehow through it all we made each other happy and before we knew it, she had to get back home. (this time it was her who felt all that I had felt a month earlier) and when I saw that pretty face with the cutest sixties style hair-do I had ever seen on anyone, I fell in love with her all over again and again and again within the 3 minutes I looked at her leaving the terminus in the bus...

February: The month started off with my bro's 10th birthday, he was ever so proud to finally move out of the single digits, and how I had wished that she was there for his birthday, funny isn't it ? I somehow find a way of connecting her to everything that happens in my life, I could still see how cute she looked when she would play with him and how close they had gotten, it all seemed too perfect to be true. The perfection wavered at times however but I always believed that there would be downfalls at times, during this month though there were two instances where the number one instance being the fact that she never really respected the things I wasn't comfortable with her doing (here I was, doing only and exactly what she wanted me to do) and there she was asking me if I would be comfortable in her doing what I wasn't comfortable with, and the other instance was something she had changed between us that we had shared for a long time and in my opinion add a spark to our relationship (I mean, what's wrong with romancing things up in the strangest of ways and thinking outside the box with the person you claim to love and want to spend the rest of your life with ?) At least I didn't really think there was anything wrong, however she did. Living without what she wanted to change never hurt, but living with the fact that the way she put it across to me seemed like she was purposefully trying to distance herself from me did hurt like a bitch and even though I did get a bit upset over it, I took it in my stride eventually after a few days and never ceased to love her just the way I did when I first met her. And Baby, I will never find the right words to let you know how bad I felt when I couldn't spend Valentines with you (when I think back now) I wish that I sold a kidney of mine and spent it with you cause that would have just given me one more perfect day with you in my arms.. I'm sorry.

Besides that, I had come to realize that I had begun to love writing all thanks to her really, she managed to bring out this amazing talent and love for writing that I probably had for God knows how long... And I will always be thankful to her for that. I had begun going to classes again and even though they were erratic cause sometimes I would just stay home so I could recharge my phone instead of spending the cash I had on going to class and stuff, I knew and believed within myself that she was all I needed and as long I had her and the air that I breathed I could live without anything and stand up to face anything, she gave me the strength of a 1000 giants and yet when the thought of her touch would cross my mind I melted and trembled and found my throat choke up at the thought of ever losing her. Yeah, it kept hitting me harder and harder that I really LOVED this girl and wanted to die in her arms... To be continued.